dear diary,

so JL wants me to join Lavalife. She says that I might not even meet “the right guy” on lavalife, but that I will ‘put it out there and tell the Universe that I’m ready to date someone’. I don’t know. Maybe I’m not ready to date someone. It’s been an awfully long time. I know I wish I had a boyfriend. I wish I had someone to kiss and hug and cuddle with, and you know, have sex with. I wish I had someone to rent videos and curl up on the couch with. i wish there was someone taking me out to fancy restaurants and pubs giving me a reason to wear all those gorgeous dresses that look so good on me. But I don’t miss all the drama. When I hear my step-bro complaining about his relationship with his new girl, I usually find myself thinking “thank god I don’t have to worry about that.” And yet, back when there was BD, someone was challenging me and calling me on my shit, I wished for him to be my boyfriend. We were so close, in some ways he was. Maybe the drama isn’t such a bad thing. Figuring out how to work with someone, building a partnership with someone and sort of drawing up the unwritten contract is always so different and so… I don’t know, fun. It is fun. Get to know someone else, get to know yourself. Get to know yourself, discover new ways to grow. And of course, expose yourself to another person’s point of view, develop a new way to see the world and life around you. Damn. That all sounds really good. That all makes me want a boyfriend. It’s been such a long time that I know I’m forgetting all of the bad stuff, but that’s okay. Life is good and bad all it once, why would relationships be any different? Okay, Universe. I’m ready to find the perfect boyfriend. So the only question is, what picture should I use as my lavalife profile picture?

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