yeah, you know me. I’m the girl who is always in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. Love is a spectrum disorder, that attacks in episodes in varying degrees of severity. Symptoms differ from case to case, episode length can vary from months to years. Unrequited love brings with it the sweetest agony that often presents with a case of martyrdom in otherwise healthy individuals. Many of whom will allow an episode to last years longer than necessary, doing untold damage to other parts of the psychic anatomy and preventing healthy relationships to develop.
I’ve loved you for so long now, that I can’t remember when it started. And I don’t know how to make it stop. Sometimes it hurts so much, that I cry… which I guess is not that unusual. But nobody has ever caused me to cry like this. LIke, it’s actual pain in my chest, and in my heart and the sobs are so powerful that my whole body heaves with them. Last night it occurred to me that I will never find a man for myself that is like you, because there is none like you. When I’m with you I am so comfortable, I feel safe, I feel peaceful; your words and your voice bleed a calm around me that defeats any doubts in any situation.
I try not to love you. It’s become a habit now. I try to ‘be over you’. But over the years you’ve become a better man, constantly striving to overcome ghosts and succeeding, it doesn’t seem fair to not love you now as you deserve it even more.
Always loving a man who doesn’t love you back affects the way you behave with men you don’t quite love. It makes you not honour the possibilities, makes you sacrifice your body to lust and impulse. It makes you not love perfectly decent men who might love you. It makes you wonder how you will ever meet someone when no one compares to him.
Unrequited love is the most severe degree in this spectrum disorder, and I’ve got a bad case. There really doesn’t seem to be a cure.